relationship Archives - Ellen Farrell

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April 5, 2018

Learning to Love – Power to the Seeds

Early Sunday morning, January 7^th 2018, 3 poems kept me awake in their persistence to be born. Meditate on this one, if you please, as we all must continually remember – & choose, to be Learning to Love…

Posted on Facebook page: Core Star Matrix Healing & other books – by Ellen Farrell

POWER TO THE SEEDS

Words flow at me –
so many options,
like exotic concoctions,
some fully cocked, some half–
or is it half-baked?
Isn’t this all a crock?

Who decided what is a weed?
Or what’s a good breed,
and who’s a bad seed?

Why can’t I grow on my land,
what I hold in my hand?
Who owns the trees – the bees?
For millennia, we farmed Nature’s seeds.
Who said you monsters of greed
can do as you please – but not we?

I just want peace,
to be free, to breathe;
to stand with the flowers,
lemon yellows, pinks, and greens.
In the sunshine – to swim in sweet waters,
and deep blue streams.

I dance in my dreams with my beloveds,
from ancestors to those yet to be.

Arm in arm are we…
and all I feel is this endless love,
which is the seed
they planted in me.

www.ellenfarrell.com

By ellen

October 27, 2016

Dealing with LIFE… Stress, GMO’s & Relationships

By Ellen Farrell, MA, NCC, LPC, EEM-AP 2018

A key part of the work of becoming aware includes consciousness, not only of our own energies, history, triggers, emotional splinters – but also of the environment in which we live. Back in 1983 I’d graduated from Rutgers with a BFA, was living in NYC, & was doing great. Unfortunately within a year, I got into what became a dreadfully manipulative, abusive relationship. I ended that relationship, & I decided to never settle again. I did not know much about nutrition then, nor what was happening to our food supply. However, by ’86, when I met my true love & we married, HFCS had replaced cane sugar. Bromine, an endocrine disruptor, had replaced the essential nutrient iodine, in flour (which also may have been bleached with chlorine), which directly & negatively affects hormones.

Whether from the environment, emotional stress, past triggers or even ancestral patterns, all stressors are cumulative. We do eventually get hit in the immune system, &/or in the organs of the body. We get digestion issues, Liver has too many toxins to process (skin tries to pick up the slack), Kidney/Bladder gets over-taxed, & Lung may get overloaded. Everything is interconnected – & everyone responds differently to stress. Anyway, these changes in foods were the final straw for me, & it affected me greatly.

Maybe it was because I felt so safe with my husband that I was able to relax enough to notice healing was needed. Sometimes we can only allow ourselves to FEEL our problems only when we are NOT in survival mode. Having a supportive community (even if it is of just ONE) can make all the difference. I started to get sick – no traditional Dr.’s knew how to help me. I searched for knowledge! Books were minimal. I had conflicting information. I became more curious, & worked in the Nutrition / Health Food Industry (for 10+ years). I came to understand I had Leaky Gut & Chronic Fatigue (CFS), resulting in infertility. This was in the late-80’s. We’d cut out dairy, became vegan, learned about the burgeoning organic everything. We wanted a family, but fertility treatments did not work. We tried for a couple of years. Then following our plan (we thought we’d have a couple of kids by then), we moved to LA – I found Holistic Dr.’s who helped me clean out toxins, & rebuild the microbiome …or gut, as we used to call it. This gave me enough of an immune system boost to get pregnant. I’d been doing Reiki on myself (since my training in ’87), & this was powerfully healing too… finally, I got well!

We had our firstborn in 1991; our 2^nd in 1993, in California. After a Spirit induced prescription we left LA before the big quake in ‘94 to Chicago, transferring from the recently purchased Mrs. Gooches Market to Whole Foods… I became a Team Leader in the Nutrition dept., but realized the part I liked best was the working with the customers, not the budget, or employee drama.

Fast forward to ’96… what the heck are GMO’s? After our daughter was born in Taos, NM, we decided to move near the grandparents, in Savannah, GA. We had no idea that our food supply was being made VERY toxic that very year! GM (Genetically Modified) meant seeds dipped with toxins (Neonics); or corn that makes its own chemicals (BtToxins); or foods that are sprayed with toxins, but DO NOT die (or they are used for harvesting non-GMO grains such as: wheat, oats, cotton, beans, lentils, sunflower, etc.).

We were now blessed with 3 young kids, & things got very busy! By ’98 I’d entered a Masters degree Psychology program… a dream I had for 8 years! However, while we were busy with LIFE, they didn’t tell us that GMO/ Roundup & other toxic chemical use was growing.

It was being used in factory farms… & in even higher doses in animal feed. This affects the quality of cow milk, & dairy as well as meat. Factory farmed animals are not healthy. Each year, the chemicals were becoming a stronger presence. I finished my MA degree – & began Licensure supervision plus full time work at an Arts College in Savannah. Eventually I got fried with being on call. I wanted to explore more healing energy work, & integrate intuitive with clinical approaches. While still in Savannah, ’06-’14, I began a private practice: Ellen Farrell Holistic Psychotherapy. Since then, I trained with Brian Weiss, for Past Life therapy; Equine therapy; Eden Energy 4-year advanced Energy Medicine training. My focus now is on the Energy & working in more of a Spiritual / Life coaching context. Working with the energy systems as Ellen Farrell Holistic Therapy.

While I loved my work / family life, it took years for us to realize that our food supply was becoming ever more toxic in the USA. I began to notice that it was making a LOT of people/my clients, sick. There continue to be increases in allowable toxin levels, & the amount of chemicals in the environment (& in us) keeps increasing. Many water systems & Rx meds contain flouride, which binds with magnesium to make it un-absorbed. So many of us were already mag deficient, even before Roundup chemicals… see Dr. Dean’s video: on the Importance of Magnesium. This is important to know – GMOs/Roundup (glyphosates) block uptake of amino acids like L-tryptophan (needed for sleep), all minerals, & it kills good bugs in our micro-biome (gut bacteria), causing toxic bacteria to flourish! The “bad” bacteria are working to remove the toxins, but by doing so, it increases their #’s. Depressed, & don’t know why? Check your D3 levels. Anxious, tense? Check Magnesium!

Our air, water, butterflies, birds, and bees are all suffering similar fates… disappearing at alarming rates. BigAg, BigPharma/Chemical companies’ profits have become more important than the health of the people. If we keep it up we will not have food, let alone flowers. We need our pollinators to stay alive.

By 2014, I’d had a few years of high STRESS: menopause, job changes, empty nest, pet deaths, eldest son graduated from college, 3 years of a sick parent, followed by the death of that parent. Finally, moving from Savannah (where we lived for 16 years), back to NYC. This was coming full circle to where I met my husband, & where I was born (Brooklyn). I was not busy enough (haha), so just prior to moving, I began & completed an Indiegogo writing project as Spirit was hounding me for a few years, to write about what I was seeing / experiencing. Moving to a more toxic city, plus realizing that mold in our 1^st apartment had a profound effect. You can’t always smell or see it! If it reappears in your bathroom grout, or in a window, beware! It caused me to later understand how the toxic restaurant food had been the “final straw”…even though, while navigating kids’ college issues, visits, & writing like a hermit, we kept to all organic food at home, but in NYC I “cheated” too – who doesn’t love NY pizza?

I was having sentimental memories of my time in the early 80’s & before, yet back then, there was no bromine in the flour. Nor were the crust, sauces & cheese filled with toxins from glyphosated crops, feed, & animals from factory farms. I had GMO soy tofu in local/regular Chinese restaurants, & got a massive, painful skin rash in the fall of 2016. Trust me, if the food is organic, it will say so on the menu. I realize now when I asked if it was organic, non-GMO soy/tofu, the uninformed waiter likely had no idea what I was talking about. It was totally WISHFUL thinking on my part. My body was informing me, but I was slow on the uptake/denial (not just a river in Egypt). Oops. No more.

What do you eat? What are your stressors? What do you do that brings you JOY? What are your stress/health management rituals to stay in the flow?

Acknowledge what phase or transitions are you/your family are in… we are always moving through something! Now in the gut, we have what is called a “biofilm” (this means really big absorption problems), because glyphosates accumulate, & are sprayed on non-GMO wheat & other grains – even on cane sugar & sunflowers to bring the crop to harvest. Understand that overwhelm with no practice of being mindful/mindful breathing or self-calming skills – also makes us more vulnerable to illness and immune system insults.

Do not swallow the chaos. Do clear your FIELD after ANY non-loving interchanges (see the 3 new energy exercises in my FREE Webinar on the Home page!)! Stress can lead to decreases in D3, B & C vitamins, & – as with pesticide/herbicides like NeoNics/ glyphosates (depletes aromatic amino acids such as tryptophan, which is needed for serotonin, & SLEEP!, & blocks uptake of minerals like magnesium, zinc/copper, selenium (removes mercury), etc.). Stress + GMO/Roundup, etc., can increase gut, mood, hormone, energy & weight imbalances. It is a downward spiral that may lead to… more mood, gut/immune system challenges… & more stress! Can you relate?

Please pace yourself, & be strong with your vision for your healthy life! Learn how to stay grounded, centered, & clear – tend to your Soul, & be mindful of the needs of your body. Don’t over-extend your self! Checkout my ‘Links’ in the drop down menu to find out the most chemically sprayed foods to avoid at all costs, such as corn, canola, alfalfa, apples, berries, celery, squash, ALL animal products… & purchase local, fresh, whole, organic foods. Most of all begin to identify where you can create more joy & balance in YOU.

Remember it is better to spend a little bit more now than to have poor quality of life/ massive debt due to medical bills or the distress of chronic illness. Consider that we need new skills to detox, heal, replenish… to transcend the fear-enhancing/toxin-laden world, & to maintain health.

I learned to regain my equilibrium again, & you can too. This is a quality & quantity of life choice. You can die younger, with a growing amount of dis”ease” each year, or you can be pro-active. I encourage you to get active, & get informed. Stay healthy friends!

www.ellenfarrell.com

See these links to help BEES & BUTTERFLIES!

#GrowFoodNotLawns #PollinatorFriendlyYards #EatOrganic

AVOID glyphosates or Roundup* in yards or parks (contains 2-4D/Agent Orange, Dicamba, & other toxins = a chemical formula, untested as a group).

Try NON-TOXIC OPTIONS: vinegar, epsom salt… etc., for weeds – & Compost organic! *Buy local, organic, NATIVE, heirloom seeds & plants, please!

By ellen

October 23, 2016

Putting All Your Eggs in One Basket . . .

By Ellen Farrell, MA, NCC, LPC, EEM-AP

The feelings we encounter in dealing with a relationship break-up can be painful and intense. It may feel like your heart is literally breaking in two, or you may feel disoriented, lost, or angry. When your whole circle of friends were your X’s first (or took ‘sides’), it can be an additional challenge to have to cope with the loss of other friendships. When your friends don’t communicate – or they gossip, are non-supportive, or in some other way are hurtful, this can lead to self-doubt, and feelings of depression and anxiety. We may begin to withdraw and feel isolated. This pattern indicates the presence of toxic relationships that can extend beyond the romantic type.

If you inappropriately define yourself as a success because you are in relationship, a break-up can hit very hard. Despite all that, sometimes a relationship is time-limited, and just was not enough of a match to deserve a long-term commitment. Usually it has been leading up to a break-up over an extended period of time, or never really ‘clicked’ – or was not healthy or sympatico from the start.

Sometimes two people may have genuine feelings, but have too many personal or professional issues (or differences) to have the skills or energy needed to allow a relationship to work! What brings two people together? When you are at a point on your life where you are discovering who you are at a very fundamental level, it can be difficult to determine if you’re in a ‘keeper’, long-term relationship. Think about the qualities you loved about the person with whom you were (or are) in relationship. Was the initial attraction mostly physical, and never developed to a deeper level? Did you grow apart, developing different interests or values (or come together for the wrong reasons)? Did physical or emotional distance allow new feelings toward new people develop?

Ask yourself, “What was good, and what was not?” Make lists to help you discover a more objective perspective! Talk to trusted friends or get some guidance from a professional. Sting had it right when he wrote,

“If you love someone, set them free”.

In reality, to be healthy, we have to be free – and in a relationship only when both parties feel a mutual commitment. Otherwise, what’s the point? Don’t you want people in your life who WANT to be there? Be patient with the process – it’s healthy to allow yourself time to adjust to the transition of a break-up – to mourn the loss. However, it’s also important to evaluate what you learn/ed from the experience. Remember, to quote another icon, “You can’t always get what you want – you get what you need”. Even though it may take time to get the message.

Do you deserve to be abused and used? NO (!) – so respect yourself enough to choose carefully. Learn from your past mistakes, remembering that all experiences are opportunities to grow. Give yourself permission to nurture yourself and heal. Remember, beyond the first feelings of physical attraction, a healthy relationship involves:

good communication, honesty, reciprocity, mutual love and respect, caring supportiveness, generosity, shared ethical, moral, and spiritual views, and an agreement on growing and learning together…

which makes for a best friendship and spiritual bond. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket until you know who you are, feelings are mutual, and you’re both ready to grow together!

Ellen Farrell is a Licensed Counselor, EMDR ~ Energy Psychology Practitioner, Reiki Master, Energy Worker, and Yoga and meditation teacher. She is available by appointment for individual and group sessions.

Printed and originally titled “Getting in and out of relationships” June 14, 2004 in the SCAD Campus Chronicle.

www.ellenfarrell.com

By ellen

October 23, 2016

What is a Healthy Relationship?

By Ellen Farrell, MA, NCC, LPC, EEM-AP

Explore your relationship status level of health!

In her book In Love and in Danger, (c) 1998, author Barrie Levy outlines warning signs of unhealthy, or even abusive relationships.
One must identify whether these issues are generated from within / past/ fears – or from others in current situations: partner, friend, or family members. She states,

“Many victims don’t recognize that they are being abused. They don’t realize how they have gradually changed because of the abuse. Are you a victim of dating <or other> violence? If you answer yes to two or more of the below questions, your relationship is, or is likely to become abusive…

Are you frightened of your boyfriend or girlfriend’s temper/afraid to disagree with him or her?

Do you find yourself apologizing to self /others for your partner’s behavior when you’re treated badly?

Have you been frightened by his/her violence – been hit, kicked, shoved, or had things thrown at you?

Do you not see friends or family because of his/her jealousy?

Have you been: forced to have sex/afraid to say no to sex?

Are you forced to justify every: thing you do/place you go/person you see to avoid his/her temper?

Have you been wrongly and repeatedly accused of flirting/having sex with others?

Are you unable to go out, get a job or go to school without his/her permission?”

Gavin de Becker, author of The Gift of Fear, drawing on his extensive expertise “explodes the myth that most violent acts are random and unpredictable… he shows that they usually have discernable motives and are preceded by clear warning signs.”

De Becker details pre-incident indicators (PIN’s), which can determine if someone poses a danger.

“One can learn how to: Recognize the survival signals that warn us about risk; Rely on their intuition; Separate real from imagined danger; Predict Dangerous Behavior; Evaluate whether someone will use violence; and Move beyond denial <to let> intuition work”.

Remain aware of thoughts/feelings and others’ actions – they provide important information. This can help prevent one from becoming embroiled in a situation or relationship that could be destructive and abusive – ask

“Am I respecting/honoring myself?” and “How do my relationships with others reflect a healthy and honoring way of being?”

The Domestic Violence & Incest Resource Centre (DVIRC.org), puts respect as the foundation of a healthy relationship – signs of “healthy” are stated as being when you:

Have fun together and both feel like you can be yourself;

Trust each other, listen to each other, and can have different opinions and interests;

Can both compromise, say sorry, and talk arguments out;

Don’t have to spend all of you spare time together – can spend time on your own, or with your own friends/family.

Stay aware, respect yourself, and listen to your intuition.

Work on correcting patterns that are unhealthy – but remember, it takes both of you contributing and sharing this goal to make it work.

Remember to talk with trusted friends/family who are loving and respectful – and ask for help and support when needed!

This article was originally printed in the SCAD Chronicle, where Ellen Farrell was a counselor, 2000-2006. Updated 2016.

www.ellenfarrell.com

By ellen

January 23, 2004

Chakra Healing

By Ellen Farrell, MA, NCC, LPC, EEM-AP

There are seven energy centers in your body, often called chakras, and this information is based on ancient writings from Sanskrit and Ayurvedic knowledge. The practice of Yoga and meditation developed around the concepts experienced by seers of these energies at least 6000-10,000 years ago, just as we have modern day seers like myself. The state of each chakra reflects the health of a specific area of your body – and your personal stories that relate with the different principles of each, and reflect your psychological, emotional and spiritual well-being. Every thought and experience you’ve ever had in your life gets filtered through these chakra databases. Each event is recorded into your cells. In other words, to quote Caroline Myss, “your biography becomes your biology.” When chakra energy is blocked or misdirected due to “emotional splinters” as I call them, emotional and physical illness can arise. As I read each chakra, I see the stories and unresolved pain vs. healthy status in each. You may want to hold your palms right on your body (as we do with Reiki healing treatments), over the chakra where you need energy or healing; wonder where love did not show up, and send love to the past you – that didn’t get what would have been healthy. You can experiment with the idea of imagining what healthy would’ve looked like, and allow your earlier self to experience that by your conscious re-imagining of the events. This can be very healing.

Exploring your seven power centers can help you see how they reflect what’s happening in your body, and in your life to:

* – check in: where are you vs. where do you want to be?
* – Unplug from negative thoughts/perceptions
* – Live as a healthier, more empowered person

There are 7 major chakras although other minor or mini-chakras also exist, such as in nipples, palms, and soles of the feet. Colors are associated with each chakra, however these respond to life and many patterns, so are complex and may vary! The color usually associated with the root, or 1st chakra (base of the spine), is red. The colors from the bottom to the top (root to crown), is abbreviated as R.O.Y.G.B.I.V.:

How is your Earth connection?: 1st ~ Red – root; survival, sexuality; Nature connections

How do you interface with life?: 2nd ~ Orange – womb; Creativity; 3rd ~ Yellow – solar plexus; the flame of your soul

Synthesis of survival needs vs. spiritual goals/understanding: 4th ~ Green – heart; loving connections; 5th ~ Blue – throat; what’s your P.O.V.?, option of expression

How is your Spirit connection?: 6th ~ Indigo – third eye; seeing with clarity; Transcendence; 7th ~ Violet/white – crown; connect with Spirit

7th – Live in the NOW, Come into the Fullness of your Being as a Spirit with a body!
Our Divine connection enters our physical life. Being present in each moment allows us to have clarity, to be free of fear ans aware of but not controlled by survival fears; present to make wise choices; and open to the beauty of each moment. Listening to higher wisdom, guidance, prayer, and meditation. Celestial perspective on the human condition results in inspiration, humanitarianism and trusting, your life’s on the right path. You are not your past; you do not need to fear your future. Only in this moment can we awaken to higher knowing and connection. Spirit wisdom; Angelic guidance, heavenly healing energies. When you are mindful of your Chakras you are better able to access and maintain a healthy and balanced life!

6th – Balance Intellect and Intuition – Seek the Truth
Open your mind. Testing your ability to measure your beliefs, thoughts, and attitudes vs. what is known at an inner level; illusion vs. truth; what is seen vs. the invisible.

5th – Your voice, your Power of choice
Let the water of life flow with clarity. If you do not meditate, how do you hear Spirit to bring balance life’s overwhelming demands? The throat chakra reflects information from all the other chakras to build/maintain one’s energy – it is the intersect between spirit and Form. Speaking up, ability to express one’s voice, dreams, personal needs; to know one’s truth – and trusting in and listening to our connection to Divine Will delivers the best outcomes.

4th – What‘s in the garden of your Soul? …what is your most beautiful dream for your life?
The heart is the middle chakra, mediating between body and spirit and determines their balance. We may experience love and compassion here – or hatred, anger, resentment, jealousy, or self-centeredness, fears, lack of forgiveness, or lack of compassion. Colors here may also be pink, gold, or deep maroon.

3rd – Do you know you matter? Is your inner fire a lantern? …an inferno? … is the fire burned out?
Who are you re: you? How do you manage your personal power? Here we find our personal ethics and integrity, the awareness of individual boundaries vs. tribal identity. Being responsible, knowing your true self vs. acting out of fear of others’ opinions.

2nd – How do you see yourself and manifest your Soul in the moments of your life?
Who are you re: others? This is the center for the innocent pure self, personal power, creativity, finance, and issues of survival, and control; vs. infinite universal potential. Reproductive issues, and one-on-one relationships. How do you view yourself in the world? Do you feel the infinite potential of life, or do you feel stuck? Live and learn!

1st – We are all connected in this NOW moment.
This is the foundation of health. Connection to family beliefs supports the formation of identity – a sense of belonging to a group. Every choice you make and every belief you accept as truth influences you. Who ae you as an individual? You are connected to all life; Earth energy, Nature; animal totums; Ancestral line… does your blood boil, or invigorate you? I see Sexuality issues here; feeling grounded happens here (from the root thru the heels) when we feel safe in our body.

Did you know: the chakras’ electrical oscillations in the skin vibrate at 100-1,600 cycles per second, contrasted with 0 to 100 in the brain, 225 in muscles, and 250 in the heart. From a study by Valerie Hunt, summarized in Vibrational Medicine by Richard Gerber; quoted in Energy Medicine, by Donna Eden (Chapter 5, p.137).

Digital Art by Doug Farrell.

www.ellenfarrell.com

By ellen